Ask Annie

Dear Annie, 

I’ve been with my girl for a little over a year now, and things are mostly smooth—except for one big problem. My mom doesn’t vibe with her, and my girl doesn’t really mess with my mom either. Anytime there’s a family event, I’m low-key stressed, like I’m waiting for some drama to pop off. My mom says my girl’s disrespectful, my girl says my mom’s controlling and always judging her. I’m stuck in the middle, trying to keep the peace, but it’s getting old. Should I take a side or try to get them to squash it? 

—Between Two Queens 

Dear Between Two Queens, 

Whew—sounds like you’re the middle man in a standoff that neither your mama nor your girl is backing down from. Let me be real with you: you don’t gotta choose sides, but you do need to step up and lead. 

Your girl is your partner. Your mama is your foundation. But when those two worlds collide? You’re the one who has to set the tone, check the disrespect, and protect your peace. 

Start by pulling your girl to the side. Let her get it off her chest—what’s really rubbing her wrong? Is she feeling disrespected? Dismissed? Then, do the same with your mama. And yes, I know it’s your mama, but grown or not, she can’t be wildin’ out just because she’s family. Let her know love doesn’t give her a pass to be petty. 

Now listen—they ain’t gotta braid each other’s hair and be besties, but they do need to respect you and the role each of them plays in your life. And if either one can’t do that? That’s their choice—but the boundaries still stand. 

You can love them both without getting dragged in the crossfire. Set the rules. Keep the peace. And if they can’t act right, it’s okay to excuse yourself from the nonsense—even if that means missing a cookout or two. 

You’re not choosing between them. You’re choosing you. And that’s what you need to do. 

—Annie 💅🏾💌 

Want Annie to weigh in on your love life, messy friendships, or family drama? Hit her up at askannie@villijnews.com. She got you.