Ask Annie 

Stop Trying to Turn Trash Into Treasure 

Q: Annie, my homegirl has been with this man for four years and it’s toxic. He cheats  with women she knows from work and church… disappears for days, and has left bruises on herl. Once she stayed with me a week to hide from him. But she always goes back. Now she’s pregnant with their third child and still wants to marry him, saying marriage will make him change and give her kids “a real family,” even though he’s barely a father now. 

I love her, but I’m exhausted and sick of wasting our girls’ nights on her drama. How do I get through to her when she refuses to see the truth? 

• Tired of Playing Therapist 

A: Baby, let’s call it plain: your friend is trauma-bonded to a man who belongs on the curb with Saturday’s trash. She’s mistaking chaos for “commitment” and clinging to the fantasy of a family instead of the facts. 

Here’s the truth: marriage won’t fix cheating, lying, or hands that get violent. A ring don’t heal character, it just makes leaving more expensive. And pregnancy? That’s when abuse often gets worse, not better. 

So what can you do? Set boundaries. Stop letting girls’ night turn into group therapy for a man none of y’all even like. Tell her, “Sis, I love you, but I’ve only got 15 minutes for his drama—after that, it’s cocktails and karaoke.” Protect your peace. 

If she won’t listen, pivot: focus on safety planning, remind her the kids deserve stability, and let her know you’ll be there when the fantasy finally burns down. Until then? Be her friend, not her fool. 

Remember: a trash man doesn’t turn into treasure just because you say “I do.”